


It's Not Fine

by Jimblejambles



Series: Beast Boy was Fine [7]
Category: Teen Titans (Animated Series), Teen Titans - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Beast Boy gets a hug, Blood, Drabble, Scars, part of a series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-08-22 08:51:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16594748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jimblejambles/pseuds/Jimblejambles
Summary: Beast Boy returns to the tower after having disappeared 5 years.





	It's Not Fine

**Author's Note:**

> Part 7 of the 'Beast Boy was Fine' series.

When Robin opened the door, he saw the last person he ever expected to see stood there. He  was left stood with his jaw hanging open. He simply stepped back allowing them to step by into the tower. He stood there even as Cyborg came down to see what was taking him so long, even as Cyborg stopped mid question to stare, even as Raven and Starfire joined them to see who would be there, even as a light bulb burst as Raven realised who it was, even as Starfire began to cry. Robin didn’t snap out of it until the door was blown shut.

“What the fuck?” Robin’s voice was loud, but it simply held confusion and shock. However, he didn’t miss the flinch that it caused.

“Sorry.” Beast Boy mumbled. “I heard the Titans were disbanding so I came to officially say goodbye.” His words were slow and calculated, cracking with every syllable.

“What happened?” Cyborg asked. “Why are you covered in blood?” Beast Boy looked to each member in turn, examining their appearance, before looking down and just shaking his head.

“Doesn’t matter.” Beast Boy grabbed his bag.

“You’re covered in blood, Beast Boy.” Robin’s ‘leader’ voice took over. “It matters."

Beast Boy shook his head. “I can’t.” He took a deep breath, steadying himself. “I can’t. I just can’t.” His vision was becoming more distant.

“Beast Boy.” Raven cut in, snapping Beast Boy’s eyes up to her’s. “Breath. Do you want to go change?” Beast Boy quickly nodded. “Robin lend him some clothes.” Robin looked confused, but didn’t argue.

“It’s fine.” Beast Boy waved them off. “I have spare clothes.”

“Then why didn’t you-” Robin started.

“Didn’t think to.”

When he had disappeared up the stairs to go change, the others had time to process what the hell had just happened. The first few moments were spent silent with everyone processing. Their old teammate had just showed up covered in blood after disappearing for 5 years with the only explanation being that he came to say goodbye. Starfire’s sobbing was beginning to subside now being placed with a newfound concern. Robin had begun to pace back and forth, trying to process what could have happened. Raven was meditating, knowing she would need it for what was coming. Cyborg was left to process what had just happened after feeling more emotion than he’d felt in years.

However, they all felt just as unprepared when Beast Boy came downstairs. He’d been wearing a baggy hoodie and tracksuit bottoms when he arrived, but now he was wearing his old superhero outfit. It was too short for him now, revealing green skin, but it still fit around his hips and chest, showing off a too thin waist and too sharp hips. He was barefoot and his hands were showing, which none of them had noticed earlier. It was a rare site, even in his Titans days, he never showed more skin than his face. It wasn’t hard to discover why he did so. His skin was a canvas of scars, fresh and old, inflicted by different means. The others had their fair share of scars, but compared to Beast Boy it felt like their skin was smooth. He was taller now, even beginning to tower over Robin. It was easier to focus on without the blood on his clothes. His hair was a lot longer, matted in places with what they assumed was dried blood in places.

“Sorry, it was the only clean outfit I had.” Beast Boy noticed their gazes.

“You could have borrowed something.” Robin sighed.

Beast Boy shook his head. “That would have meant finding you again.”

Robin would have responded, but he was interrupted by Starfire engulfing Beast Boy in a hug. “I am sorry. I am so sorry.”

Beast Boy stood there, as though unsure of what to do with his hands. “Your hugs are as tight as ever, Star.”

Starfire backed up. “I am sorry.”

He waved her off. “I’ve had worse.”

“Why did you leave?” Cyborg cut in.

“I told you.”

“No, you left us a note.”

“I-” Beast Boy paused, rubbing his forehead. “I didn’t want to hurt any of you. I could feel the beast getting stronger and I didn’t - I couldn’t risk it.”

“You could have told us.” Raven’s voice rose accidentally, causing a window to smash. “We could have helped you.”

“The last time I posed a risk to anyone’s safety, Robin threatened to arrest me.”

“What?” Raven questioned. “When did that happen?”

“It’s my fault.” Robin cut in. “At the time, I thought he’d hurt you Raven and I didn’t want to risk everyone else’s lives. I should have realised that he would never hurt any of us. I should have been willing to help him like I helped you, but I was an idiot. I’m sorry, Beast Boy. God, I’m so sorry.”

“You mean to tell me that you would have rather put him in prison than help our teammate, our friend, regain control of his powers.” Raven snapped.

“Don’t act so innocent, Raven.” Beast Boy halted her increasing anger. “You threw me out of windows. It was fine to you as I could transform and fly back, but you forgot about the glass. Every time, you forgot about the glass. I just wanted to make sure you felt included because I thought that was what you deserved.”

“I’m sorry, Beast Boy.” Raven whispered. “I knew you did everything with good intentions, but it was always so overwhelming and I was scared that if I opened up that I would hurt you all. It only ended up hurting you though. I should have been able to sense it hurts. I’m an empath for Azaar’s sake. All I felt was the same wave of happiness that I always felt though. You always were so hard to read and I should have made more of an effort to go beyond my powers to ask.”

“Regardless, people don’t just throw other people out of windows.” He noticed Starfire out of the corner of his eye. “And you - you just stood by and watched every time they did something. You would watch Raven throw me out windows. You agreed when Robin threatened to arrest me.”

“I am sorry, Beast Boy. I should have spoken up when I saw how you were treated. I did not notice you were in pain when I should have.” Starfire looked down.

“And Cyborg.” Beast Boy turned to the final Titan. “You knew how I felt. I told you more than I told anyone anything and you still did nothing. You tossed my beliefs aside like they were nothing and you gave up on me. You thought my DNA was falling apart and you just gave up.”

“I’m sorry. I should have been there for you. I left you alone even though I knew that it was what you feared most. We were both so similar, yet I always treated you like a kid.”

“I trusted all of you to help me and yet you all treated me like your - your - YOUR FUCKING PET.” Beast Boy grabbed his head. “Shit, I need to leave.” He moved towards the door, but Robin grabbed him. “Let me go. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“No. I failed you last time. I don’t want to let you down again.” Robin tightened his grip. “I want to help.”

“You’re about 8 years too late for that Robin. Now. Let. Me. Go.” Beast Boy’s voice deepened with every word to the point of being nearly a growl.

“Let us help you, Beast Boy.” Raven added, putting her hand atop Robin’s.

“Please.” Starfire piped up.

“Come on, BB.” Cyborg joined in.

“Will you all stop acting like you care? You never used to. Back then, it didn’t matter how badly I hurt as long as all of you felt good. As long as your ego was intact.” He looked at Robin. “As long as you had an outlet for your emotions.” He turned to Raven. “As long as you felt smart.” He shifted to Cyborg. “As long as you could continue being happy.” He finished with Starfire. “I didn’t matter. I was just a pawn for you all to feel good and I can’t take it anymore. I’m tired of being just fine. I want to be happy.”

“Garfield.” Cyborg spoke. “I’m so sorry. I should have given you the love you deserved, but I want to. Shit, I can’t do this alone. I can’t feel human without someone to be human with and you’re the most human person I know. And, I want to be able to show you that. I want to be able to show you just how normal you are. I want you to not feel alone anymore because God knows you deserve it. You deserve so much and I was such an idiot, but please, you can’t keep going like this. I want to help you.” He watched for a response. “Please.”

Beast Boy shook his head. “I can’t - I can’t - you’ll hurt me again. I know it. I can’t deal with it again. I can’t. Not again. Please, I can’t take much more.”

Cyborg moved in front of the others, replacing their hands. “Gar. Please. I miss you. I miss your quick wit and shameless puns. I miss you arguing with Robin that allowed us to have lives outside of work. I miss seeing you make Starfire smile and filling her with such confidence that her powers shone. I miss seeing you drag so much emotion out of Raven that allowed us to know the real Raven. I miss playing video games with you feeling like more than just a robot. I miss our little arguments and I miss how you’d drag me out of the lab if I had been working for too long. But, most of all, I just miss seeing you.”

Beast Boy was crying. All the emotions he had bottled up were unleashing and he found himself clinging to Cyborg just to stay standing. “I’m not fine. I’m sorry. I’m not fine.” He muttered.

“I know.” Cyborg whispered. “And we should have realised.” And Cyborg held him.

Beast Boy was not fine and he hadn’t been for a long time.

**Author's Note:**

> I hate writing dialogue. Also, this was longer than the previous ones so be proud of me. I'm also regretting not rewatching Teen Titans before writing this series because I haven't watched Teen Titans in 2 years, so I'm running off of what I remember which isn't great.


End file.
